But I can wish

The sound of the rail. Mind the gap.

Faces coming and going on the tube map.

We travel that road so many times,

My laughter so loud to cover the signs.

I wish I would find the courage in me

To make you notice when I bump your knee,

To let my fingers linger in your hair,

And not make up reasons to seem I don’t care.

I want to put my palm on your cheek,

Turn you so you hold my gaze when we speak,

And dare lean forward, licking my lips,

Just in case you’ll let me leave our scripts.

You won’t. I know that. Makes me terrified.

So I stay a coward and I hide.

I can’t do it, put myself on that line

But I can wish, only wish, that you were mine.

Joy in spilled juice

There are some days in life,
Precious and beautiful like jewels,
Not because you do anything,
But get to rediscover what joy feels like.
For me, i can just stay in bed,
The faint smell of jasmine
Coming through the open window,
And have you bring me breakfast,
A tray with a glass of juice,
Toast and a jar of strawberry jam.
You put on some jazz music,
And i joke that we’re too old
For this hour to be late enough for it.
You answer my jab at your tastes
By suddenly jumping on the bed.
It jostles me too much to adjust,
And I end up with juice all over me.
I pull the pyjamas over my head,
And that I can is beautiful in itself,
Just lying in front of you naked –
That I can do it without justification,
No jacuzzi party needed anymore
As an excuse to see me in a swimsuit,
No jewelry gift to see my lingerie,
No making eyes at somebody else
To keep me interested by jealousy.
You may freely enjoy my bared skin,
A touch that jumbles my thoughts
And makes me juggle the tray aside,
So I can trail kisses down your jawbone
And fingers down your backside
When we join together like jigsaw pieces,
In jagged times to match the background jazz.
There are some who find their joy in objects,
I’m glad I’m not one of them anymore
And I know that being here with you,
Just ourselves, free of judgement,
And with a half-spilled glass of juice
Makes today more precious than any jewel.

Laughter

If you see tears in my eyes
You’re wrong to think I’m crying.
Better assume I laughed myself silly
Until tears ran down my cheeks.
Because, love, I can laugh at anything
I can laugh at the big, happy things,
At wonders and miracles of life,
At having friends and a family,
At being surrounded by amazing people.
I can laugh at the small ones too,
A fleeting joke or a tease, at the way
Light streams through a window,
Or that secret turn of your phrase,
The simple fact that someone smiled.
But what makes me truly special
Is that I can also laugh at sadness,
Laugh at myself, that I could have been
Quite so impressively stupid one time,
And laugh in relief that I can see that now.
I can laugh at my fears, and laugh that
I know they will soon be insignificant.
I sometimes laugh just for release
From the bubbling stress and frustrations.
And, if all else fails, I can always laugh
At my cuts and bruises, at my pain,
Because it means I’m alive.
Life is too short to stop laughing.