It’s so much easier to notice
The things that go wrong –
They have this obstinate ability
To dig their claws into you
And command your attention.
Thoughts of good things, of luck,
Are instead slippery, finicky,
Exhausting to tackle and hold down.
And it’s understandable.
Gratitude is a strange process.
How do you know who to be thankful to?
Do you thank God? Which one? Is there any?
Fate? Should you thank for predestination?
Karma? But then isn’t it deserved?
Isn’t this becoming a little like
Thanking for receiving thanks?
The universe? The time? The world?
Are you grateful to yourself?
That would feel quite odd.
Maybe some of the choices
Would be quite brilliant,
Feeding back into themselves
In a spiral of virtues, contentment.
But I never could managed that,
Being polite to an abstract.
So I will be using you instead.
No, don’t look like that.
Don’t shrug your shoulders.
I’m not that far gone as to assume
That you hold the bridles of the universe.
I’m aware that I’m sowing discord,
Pushing you up on that golden pedestal.
But please understand
That you’re just a convenient icon
For forces that I don’t understand,
That might just as well not exist.
So let me be in my happy heresy,
Let me make you into the greatest god,
So I have a reason to bow at your feet
And find all the reasons
For which I should be thankful.
It’s the only way that I know
To cheat at this game of life
And always remember that I am happy.